


Fishing

by Starofwinter



Category: Star Wars Legends: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss
Genre: Apologies, Confessions, Family Feels, Fishing, Fluff, Forgiveness, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 14:47:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14620950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starofwinter/pseuds/Starofwinter
Summary: Kal invites the boys out fishing, but he has a few things to say while they're there.





	Fishing

“I’m gonna go fishing,” Kal says as he finishes his breakfast, “Anybody want to come?”

The others glance at each other.  They’d all caught fish at one point or another on missions, but not without an outside reason to.  “I’ll go,” Ordo offers, and Mereel stands up with him, nodding his agreement.

“C’mon then, I’ve got some extra gear.”  Kal gives them both a smile, and they head out with him, giving each other somewhat baffled looks.  

The lake  _ is _ beautiful, and it’s peaceful, with only the sounds of wildlife and the breeze through the grass to break the silence.  Ordo and Mereel settle in on either side of Kal, following his lead as they cast their lines out into the hazy pink-gold of the lake as it reflects the rising sun, sitting in perfect stillness.

“You know,” Kal says quietly, what feels like hours later,  “I don’t just come out here to fish.”

Both Mereel and Ordo cock their heads, mirroring each other, and Mereel says with a grin, “I hope not, I don’t think there’s a fish in this lake.”

Kal chuckles, but his smile fades quickly.  “I come out here to do my thinking. Been thinking a lot about how I raised you boys, and I’m sorry.”

“Kal’buir-” Ordo starts, and then stops when Kal holds up a hand.

“I know, I know, you don’t think I did anything wrong, but truth is, there’s a lot I got wrong.  I can say some of it was that I didn’t know better - my buir was a lot of things, but a good example wasn’t one of them.  It took me a long time to figure that out, but I finally have, and I can see where I repeated some of his mistakes; truth is, it’s why Illipi left me, and took the kids with her.  I was gone most of the time while they were growing up, I’ve told you that, but I was gone because…  _ shab _ , I was afraid of them looking at me the way I looked at my father.  I tried to keep up the Mando traditions he taught me, but when she left, I was  _ glad. _  That way,” he sighs, “That way I couldn’t fuck them up.  Couldn’t hurt them, couldn’t- couldn’t get them hurt.” 

Kal scrubs a hand over his face, takes a deep breath, and continues.  “And yeah, some of what I fucked up was because I didn’t have any other choices, with things the way they were on that  _ oshokita _ planet.  I didn’t have many options to keep you safe and train you up to be soldiers when you were too damned young.  I was trying to protect you from everything, and in some ways, I think I made that worse.”

Ordo tries to interrupt again, but Mereel shakes his head.  It’s obvious Kal needs to get this off his chest, and the best thing they can do is to let him finish.  

“But all the rest, that’s on me.  I made mistakes, and I fucked up, and now you have to live with the weight of that.  You don’t deserve it, but that’s how it is. I’m trying to fix it, but some of it, I won’t be able to, and for that, I’m sorry, ad’ike.  I never wanted to hurt you, but I did.” It sounds like something he’s rehearsed, like he’s said this every time he comes out here to ‘fish,’ till he got everything he wanted to say packed into it.  From the way he won’t look at them, he hadn’t planned on the tears he quickly wipes away. Kal taught them that tears weren’t anything to be ashamed of, but he still never cried in front of them, and it makes something in Ordo and Mereel ache.

“Kal’buir?” Ordo says quietly, setting his pole down and reaching out to Kal.

Kal gives him a shaky smile.  “Yeah, Ord’ika?”

“It’s okay.”  Ordo pulls him into a hug, and Mereel joins them, the two of them wrapping him up in their arms.

Kal laughs, but it’s wet and even shakier than his smile, and they both know he’s crying again.  “Kriff, I don’t deserve you boys.”

Mereel tightens his arms a little.  “Yeah, buir, you do,” he says quietly, “You do.”

They stay that way for a while, before they finally break apart and take up their poles again.  They don’t end up catching anything, but the silence is comfortable and full of unspoken understanding.  


End file.
